Erich Fromm Posits “To Have Or to Be?”

Erich Fromm Posits “To Have Or to Be?”

 

I’m reading Erich Fromm’s seminal title, “To Have or To Be?”

 

As it turns out, I’ve always been more a “to be” person than a “to have” person, which is what puts me at odds with most of the people in my culture.

 

It also explains white supremacy, which wasn’t Fromm’s purpose.

 

Under a “to have” mindset other people, animals and the environment become objects to “have” (own) and manipulate.

 

• Men marry women to gain exclusive title to their bodies, their services, their efforts, and their offspring (to own them and all of their assets)*  (*Women sometimes marry for the same reasons, or out of a feeling of lack since they earn less for the same kind of work and live longer, so they feel more prone to failure without someone else to lean on)
• People hire employees to gain exclusive title to capitalize on their value (to own them)

 

Since not all women are “owned” (married), it becomes the goal of non-affiliated male “owners” to dictate how they’ll manage their bodies when they’re raped (“owned”/claimed brutally and illegally), or when they become pregnant and don’t want children.

 

It also becomes  necessary to keep women “in want” of ownership by paying them less for the work they do so they’ll “couple up” to keep their heads above water financially.

 

Employers “own” their employees’ waking/working hours and dictate when they’ll work,what they’ll earn, and how much freedom they’ll have when they aren’t working to make other plans (take a vacation, get a second job, etc.).

 

In our society, almost everything is about “having” (owning). We’re a consumer society! We get  tired of  having the same old car, the same old dishwasher, the same old driveway, the same old garden… We want to upgrade, swap out, get a good deal, even when what we have is still perfectly serviceable.

 

There is another way and some other countries and ideologies are embracing it.

 

The other way is the way of “being”, simply existing without needing to “have” (own) anything other than one’s own soul. Being is the way of compassion, and it’s the only pathway that can lead to unfettered (unattached to other uncontrollable conditions) joy.

 

When we feel a need to “have” (to own”), we remain anxious and vigilant, because the possibility of “losing” what we have (what we pretend to own) is ever-present.

 

When we embrace just “being”, nothing else is required. We exist (we are) until we don’t (until we die).

 

Surely, those who choose being over having (owning) still need some things to continue our existence, but only the things we actually need to exist: clean water, fresh air, sufficient protection from the elements, sufficient engagement with whatever/whoever surrounds us to stimulate our compassion, wonder and joy…

 

I don’t need/own goats, cats, dogs, my family or my friends. They are all immensely enjoyable, but they all come and go: I don’t “own” them: I cohabit with them for as long as it’s mutually beneficial.

 

I don’t insist on smothering them, grabbing them, or clutching them to me because I don’t “own” them. I enjoy them, but they are not mine. They are fellow sojourners, equally invested in “being” who they are… my grabbing and smothering them with a self-dictated hug (unless they love it; Patches sure does!) against their will would be an “ownership” behavior, not a compassionate response to an observable request for smothering.

 

I’ve always felt a deep affinity for nature. I have always sensed its innate wisdom.

 

Nature is not cruel. It has no moral sense. It just is.

 

Predators need to eat; they are not evil. They are just hungry…

 

“Having” (owning) others (animal or human) has never appealed to me. I just don’t possess the mindset of a slave master.

 

I have never wanted to “own” another human being or an animal. I’m not even a huge fan of owning private property.

 

I think Native Americans and some other cultures had it right: the land doesn’t belong to us; we belong to it. It nurtures and sustains us only to the degree that we honor and respect it and provide what it needs to be fruitful. When we “own” it and pollute or rape it, we begin the course of our own destruction…and we’re well along that path right now.

 

The problem, then, is how to challenge “havers” (owners”) in ways that will help them discover their own illusions so they’ll feel compelled (internally) to make the changes necessary that will save them from themselves…and us from them?

 

How do we convince racists, sexists, xenophobes and greedy oligarchs that they “own” nothing but their own souls?  They’re convinced they’re our owners and they’ve been well rewarded for the illusion, too.

 

Some of us even believe it ourselves because to consider the  alternative (the freedom to be who we truly are) is something we’ve never seriously considered before. We’ve been indoctrinated to the same mindset!

 

But it’s only a mindset!  And minds can be changed.

 

And the planet can be saved.

 

What it will take is a distinct preference for “being” over “having” (owning). A preference for preserving over consuming.

 

Yeah, I know. Talk about being counter-cultural! But can you imagine anything else as capable of saving us and this planet as a counter-cultural approach?

 

What we’ve been doing certainly isn’t working.

 

I’m glad I never accepted that “having” was more important than “being.”  I have lived every day of my life being what I felt I was created to be–a creative, compassionate, wide-awake, sensitive soul with a passion for life forms and nature.  I have always followed my bliss. Am I rich? No, not financially. I’m barely getting by. But I’d wager I’m a hundred times happier and less distressed than most millionaires.

 

I have owned no one and no one has owned me, and yet I have had the greatest experiences of my life with good friends, kindred spirits (animal and human), and the time I’ve been given.

 

Give it a try. See if it leaves you feeling freed from “owning” anything or anyone other than your own existence…

 

Where there is no need for more, there is no want and no feeling of lack.

 

What are you “wanting”, “having” or “owning” that no longer serves you?

 

There’s a framed saying on a wall in my hallway: “My goal is to create a life I don’t need a vacation from.”

 

The only vacation I need right now is from the “havers” and “owners” who are ruining our world. You know their names and their games.

 

Vote them out.

 

Don’t support them.

 

Let them know they don’t have (own) you.

 

If they aren’t supporting this planet and its inhabitants and natural assets  in beneficial ways, they’re not for you. They’re “owners”, not stewards. They’re looking out for their best interests; yours don’t matter.

 

Here’s a big hint: not even their own grandchildren matter to them, or they wouldn’t be doing what they’re doing now.

 

Understand. “Owners” have no moral sense of obligation to others (other than their stakeholders). They are by definition users and abusers.

 

The only thing a human  being can own is one’s essence and one’s essence is fixed at birth.

 

You know what’s right and you know what’s wrong. You’ve just been indoctrinated to ignore the truth–and it’s going to get us all killed.

 

Wake up.

 

Get free.

 

Be!