Pondering What to Say Today…

Three weeks ago I was bitching about maybe not having transmasculine top surgery as soon as I anticipated.

 

Not long ago I was bitching about exit polls not matching election results.

 

Both matters still concern me–don’t get me wrong–but today, I’m pondering a whole ‘nuther universe of concern: Who will still be alive in three months that I know and adore?

 

And there are two other concerns (not as urgent to me as the one immediately above):

 

Will I even be here to have surgery several months hence, after the corona virus gets tamped down or sufficiently mitigated to allow hospitals to do something other than save precious lives?

 

Will I be here to vote on  November 3rd?

 

Suddenly, we’re all experiencing a major third world concern in a visceral way: the imminent loss of loved ones through no fault of their/our own.

 

I’m looking at life through the prism of no longer being the master of my own fate, the captain of my own ship.  I can wash my hands, clean door knobs, isolate via social distancing, and do everything recommended by the CDC and still end up with the virus.

 

Even worse: other people equally at high risk, whom I dearly love, can. 

 

Hell, there’s no guarantee I’ll be blogging a week from now, or that someone I love won’t be on  a respirator in a hospital fighting for their life without me being able to sit next to their bed and offer them help and hope.

 

And if they die, there will be no funeral or memorial service because we aren’t allowed to gather in groups larger than ten people. Funerals are forbidden right now.

 

That’s how REAL this has become to me, and I suspect to a great many others.

 

IF I absolutely knew this would my last blog post, it wouldn’t contain what I’m sharing right now. But I don’t want to write that one…the last one…ever!…knowing it’s the last one.

 

There wouldn’t be enough time, or the right words, to say what I’d want to say then.

 

They might be angry, accusatory words. (“Trump’s delay in addressing the corona virus killed me and too many other Americans. Remember that on November 3rd.”)

 

Or instructional. (“Make sure Bernie is your next President, whatever that takes. He has your back.” )

 

Or maudlin. (“I love you all to Antares and back.”)

 

They wouldn’t be self-pitying. I do know that much. I’ve been ready to say sayonara for quite a while now. (No, I’m not suicidal, or I’d go out and lick some doorknobs. That would do it!)

 

The trajectory of our nation and the world, under the autocracy of greedy gazillionaires and their bought-and-paid-for servants (elected officials), seems pretty well locked in, and I find that utterly appalling and distressing. I simply don’t want to be here to see it reach its apex, unless its apex happens to be right now/TODAY!

 

I feel certain that if we don’t right this ship of state this year, I don’t think it will ever be right-able.   We will have squandered our last opportunity to get it right.

 

The corona virus is a catastrophic wake up call.  As we sit isolated, we have the time to ponder what we want life after corona virus to look like… and who we want to see leading us.

 

It has become crystal clear to me that I want Bernie Sanders.  He is the only one who is initiating ideas that will help all of us navigate through the immediate tough times ahead.  We need what he’s offering as we never have before–all of us, not a marginalized few.

 

If the GOP and the Dems in power won’t even give us what we need at a time like this (and it appears they won’t, but they sure will bail out and bend over backward to help their rich friends!), they won’t give us what we need EVER.

 

The revenue sitting in the Federal Reserve right now came from us. From our taxes. It should be dedicated to keeping us afloat, not people sitting in ivory towers. They haven’t lost everything. Many of us will unless we get the help we need from our federal and state so-called “representatives”.

 

I don’t see ivory tower folks checking out customers at the grocery stores, driving trucks, delivering critical nursing care, going on emergency calls, or doing anything else critically necessary to keep us all alive and as safe as possible while putting their own lives and the lives of their loved ones on the line.  I DO see them with their greedy hands extended, looking for ways to capitalize on the disaster at public expense.

 

Bernie “gets” this. He has been at the forefront of this battle between the moneyed and the marginalized  his whole life.

 

He’s a helper, not a Herod.

 

He’s  a curmudgeonly Fred Rogers.

 

He loves the hell out of us.

 

I think we should return the favor and make sure he’s our next leader. I have a feeling he’ll lose the curmudgeonly aspect as soon as he has a chance to implement some of what he has been espousing for lo these many years.

 

And when he does, we will never want to go back to the way things were. We’ll join the other developed nations in giving  all citizens what their taxes are supposed to be buying them: equal footing to live lives less of quiet desperation and more of “life, liberty and the pursuit of (genuine, unstressed) happiness.”