Not a Phase

Yesterday I wore my new t-shirt proclaiming “NOT A PHASE” to play pickle ball. It has the moon in a partial eclipse but the moon is blue, pink and white (the colors of the transgender flag).

 

One dear lady (when I sat down next to her) commented, “I don’t get your shirt.”

 

I said, “Oh!  I’m transgender. These are the colors of the transgender flag.”

 

“Oh! I see!”

 

I said, “I’m getting my chest masculinized in the next few months and I’m starting to prepare people who might not know this about me by wearing transgender clothing.”

 

She said, “I had a double mastectomy; you’ll have no trouble. It’s the breast reconstruction that is the tough part.”

 

I smiled, “I’m not going to bother with that. My goal is to get rid of ’em entirely!”

 

She said, “I hope you didn’t mind me asking.”

 

I said, “Not at all. I’m glad you did. I’m not ashamed of it.”

 

She said, “Nor should you be!”

 

I told her that when I came out to the world, by writing a book about it, not a single soul treated me any differently. “I have good friends. Some actually finally figured out why I seemed so different from them–so differently oriented toward life–and it made perfect sense then!”

 

It was a terrific conversation.

 

The people who may not like the idea just don’t talk about it. This includes some of my family members. None of them have asked me when my surgery is, or offered to drive me to Seattle when I have it. I know Lisa will, so I’m not worried about that.

 

People deal with things differently, and that’s fine with me. I prefer to have people totally on board with my decision in my hospital room, anyway! I’ll need 100% good vibes and well wishes, not curmudgeons who think I’m just confused or stuck in a phase of some kind. (They’re the confused ones; not me! I wouldn’t tell them who they are as gendered individuals; they’re the arbiters of that!)

 

Another friend suggested I watch a Netflix series on a transgender individual (FtM) who was getting chest masculinization surgery because it was mentioned that redheads are susceptible to having more pain or complications than other folks. (I appear to experience less pain than most folks.)

 

But I’m committed totally to having this done; nothing is going to dissuade me. I’m already going to be coming off Warfarin (a blood-thinner) to have it done, which is risky. But I’ve decided it’s worth the risk to make the statement that I’m a GUY, dammit, and I’ll do whatever it takes to proclaim it physically!

 

It was risky to get experimental intestinal bypass surgery all those years ago, and it revolutionized my life to the good. Surgery is always risky. But from everyone I’ve talked to who has had this done, it’s such a joy to be breast-free and able to present as they want to, and it’s really no big deal as far as discomfort goes. So, for me, it’s a no-brainer. I’m IN!

 

We all gotta die sometime. If I die getting my chest masculinized, it’s a lot better way than other ways I can imagine, by a long shot… and maybe people will even refer to me as “he, him and his” when they lay me to rest. That would be FREAKING AWESOME! 

 

Me as a young boy

(image manipulation by Lisa Twining Taylor)