“Are You Scared?”

People keep asking me, “Are you scared?” now that I’m thisclose to having my chest masculinization surgery.

 

Um… yes and no.

 

I’ve never engaged in the habit of “pre-worrying” about surgeries; I never could see the value in getting scared over “what might happen”or “what will recovery be like?”

 

I’ve had four major surgeries, none of which has caused me to be scared that this one will be any better or worse than the ones I’ve already had.

 

So, as far as the surgery itself, I’m not afraid. I’ll be asleep during it and I’ve read the accounts of others who have had it done and don’t expect to feel any worse than I felt from any previous surgery I’ve undergone.

 

In fact, I expect to feel considerably better than some of the surgeries I’ve had. Abdominal surgery recovery was certainly no fun, but it wasn’t a deal-breaker, either. (I expect to have a tummy tuck a few months hence. Recovery from that one will be harder than this one, I’m sure!)

 

Chest masculinization surgery is pretty superficial. The surgeon opens up the area under the breast tissue, takes out the fatty breast tissue, sews the skin back up and then grafts the nipples (which have been reduced in size to resemble a guy’s) into their new location on the masculinized chest). This surgery is superficial in the same way that neutering a male cat or dog is, essentially, as far as I can tell…

 

I’ve watched the surgery online and thought, “Yes! Yes! and Yes! I want that!!!”  So, I’m actually looking forward to it… and to “the reveal” a week later when the bandages come off and I get my first look at my new chest. I have no doubt I’ll cry happy tears!

 

What scares me most is the freaking mandatory COVID-19 test that I have to take next Saturday. I’ll be awake for that, and I’m NOT looking forward to it.

 

Jackie has had it done and says it’s nothing to worry about. I want to believe that, but I’ve heard other accounts that contradict her experience. I’m sure not going to cancel my surgery to avoid taking a COVID test, though.

 

Most other people who have that the COVID swab test say it’s “weird” and “uncomfortable,” similar to having pool water go up your nose. It might cause me to tear up, since the swab passes the lacrimal gland (the cause of tears) and I might feel like gagging if I have a robust gag reflex (I don’t; dentistry doesn’t bother me a bit).

 

I’ve written my obituary “just in case”. My legal paperwork (power of atty, power of medical atty, and advance directives) is all in order.

 

Lisa and Jackie will help with my after care for a day or two until I’m off pain medication and can manage on my own without screwing something up.

 

I’m focusing beyond two weeks from now, when the drain tubes will come out and the bandages will be removed and I have the chest I want instead of the one I have.

 

My “It’s A Boy!” banner is ready to be raised by Lisa when she gets me back home on August 25th, and eight transgender cards are here to be chosen and signed by whoever wants to sign one to me.

 

(Hey, I’ve thought of everything. It isn’t easy finding gender transition cards; I found some online and ordered them.)

 

So, as you can see, I’m looking FORWARD to the period of time beyond my surgery and recovery times. I’ll be at the #1 Hospital (UW Northwest Hospital) overnight on August 24th under the care of a great surgeon and her support team. (I’m calling them my “Itty Bitty Titty Committee”.)  I plan to make this FUN for everyone!!!)

 

I’m a good patient: I heal fast and well. I follow instructions; I don’t fudge.

 

Alas, I know my loved ones are scared and worrying for me, hoping for the best while acknowledging  that the worst could happen (highly unlikely!!!)… which, to me (dying), would be a non-event: I don’t believe I’ll be here, or anywhere else afterward, to even know it happened.

 

With this nation standing on the cusp of self-destruction or imminent correction on November 3rd, my only regret would be (if I existed somewhere to regret anything) that I wasn’t here to vote for imminent correction.

 

I plan to be here for that. You bet’cha! 

 

But if I’m not, and if you love me truly, please vote the way I would have: straight DEM, this time around.

(How’s that for a final wish?)

 

The  fact of the matter is, three weeks hence I plan to be back to writing and editing for clients, and five weeks hence I plan to be back on the Orting Trail biking three days a week with Lisa.

 

I’m looking forward to being post-surgery, post-recovery and 100% back in action. That’s where my head is right now. LOOKING FORWARD, EXCITED, ANTICIPATORY! (to everything but that damned COVID test!!!)