Deeper Questions and Answers–Liking These a LOT!

Looking back at your life, what era would you want to re-live again? And what thing would you change in that era?

 

I’d like to relive the 1960’s (the best parts–living on a ranch, meeting DeForest Kelley, acting in plays, writing great fiction, etc.).  I wasn’t into free love, sex, drugs, or even the Beatles (I became a fan of theirs much, much later!), but my idealism was at full power and I felt good about the future of this planet and country. It was after Watergate in the 107o’s and Reagan in the 198o’s that everything started its downward trajectory and became the dystopia we’re experiencing today.

 

The thing I would change is Martin Luther King Jr. and Robert F. Kennedy would live out their lives, RFK would become President for two terms, and both would become senior statesmen after decades of compassionate, progressive leadership.

 

 

What was the most stressful thing you had to deal with while working at Warner Bros?

 

I don’t recall any stress at WB. Working there was pure joy…

 

OH! Except for the month or so when I placed in a cubicle next to another secretary who was an unmitigated control freak. She drove me crazy and started telling me what to do, even as far as telling me how to decorate my cubicle, so I finally reported her to her boss (and to mine) and told them her haranguing had better stop or I’d request a new assignment outside the department.  It stopped, but she continued to be snappy and dismissive because I called her on her B.S.

 

Was there a time where you had trouble getting over something? (not including a loss) 

 

Not that I can recall.  I’m pretty adept about looking in the direction I’m going instead of the rearview mirror.

 

Other than COVID, what stops you from becoming that extrovert you think you could be inside?

 

I have a planted fear (planted by my parents) that when I present myself as a proactive human dynamo, it isn’t flattering or helpful. 

 

And yet… and yet… even though I’m too loud (vocally) when I turn myself loose (enthusiasm includes volume with me), I can see that the effect I have on people is positive and  affirming.  Some people, like De Kelley, could be positive and affirming quietly: my method involves more gusto. My enthusiasm carries me away! So, at times, people might prefer some cotton in their ears while listening to me. I’m more like The Music Man than Mister Rogers, if you get my drift!

 

What are some of your insecurities (so we can debunk them)?

 

I never call people unless I absolutely feel I have to. This is because I figure everyone must be doing something more important at the moment than visiting with me. (This is because, “Children should be seen and not heard”; I was taught to defer engagements unless specifically addressed or invited.) So, I wait for calls and invitations to engage. I’m trying to get over that. Helen Schofield and Nancy Graf have been the most recent recipient of my efforts to proactively engage…

 

(Example: The Kelleys called me nearly a thousand times. I called them perhaps thirty times, and that is very likely a generous estimate of the number of times I called them without being specifically asked to return their call.)

 

Feeling that I might be imposing is my chief insecurity

and it’s the only one that still hobbles me significantly.

 

What is the one experience you’ve had that has changed the way you think the most to this day? Why did it change you?

 

Because I was a good student in grade school, acing every subject easily, I was under the mistaken impression that other students who weren’t doing as well just weren’t studying enough to make good grades.

 

UNTIL junior high!

 

In junior high, as we students were introduced to Algebra, New Math, and Science, I started to struggle mightily with those disciplines, no matter how hard I studied or  how often I stayed after class to receive individualized instruction from my teachers.

 

I failed a math class (I think it was algebra) and was doing poorly (D’s) in Science, despite extra effort and help. That’s when I realized I was just fortunate to be able to easily grasp all the other subjects without struggle. My mom (a brilliant woman!) confessed that she had the same experience in school with the same subjects but she didn’t want to tell me until I got remedial help because I was so upset by doing poorly in them.  She finally told me, “I think it’s genetic. That side of our brains just doesn’t work very well!”

 

(I’m fine with regular math. I can balance a checkbook and do the other activities of daily living, but I’d be a terrible nurse or rocket scientist. Luckily, I never wanted to be either!)

 

From that time on, I have never assumed that students who do poorly are lazy, apathetic or unmotivated. Some may be, but I don’t take that as a default reason anymore.

 

What is the hardest decision you’ve had to make, and what were the risks?

 

When De “died” the first time while I was alone and attending him in the hospital, the emergency team wanted to jumpstart him again with electroshock. He had signed a DNR (Do Not Resuscitate) order and wanted it honored,  so I stood firm and refused to allow them to shock his heart.

 

For long minutes (it seemed), I heard them trying to talk him back to life with comments like, “De, where are you? Come on back, De!”

 

(By this time, the team had sent me out of the room to sit in a chair. So I sat fretting and wondering if I was doing the right thing, but feeling in my heart I absolutely was; I was there to enforce De’s wishes, and when I told one of the attending responders,  “De said he didn’t want to be resuscitated unless he could return to a decent quality of life”, the man responded, “Well, as you know, his life is shit right now and will only get worse…”  so I stood my ground and refused to let them work on him.)

 

As luck would have it, De did resurrect for a few more days.

 

I heard him call, “Kris! Where’s Kris?!” from inside the room and ran in to him. He asked me, “What happened?”  I said, “You passed out–WAAAY out!”  He nodded but didn’t seem at all upset by my response or by his experience, and had I agreed to let them shock him, he would have been mighty sore for the rest of his very few days. So, it worked out, but I’m glad he came back to let me know that he wasn’t any worse the wear for the experience.

 

The risk was, I guess, fearing that some of his millions of fans or his wife would consider me a murderer for enforcing his DNR (had he died at that time).

 

“Let him go!” is NOT a legacy I’d like to be saddled with, especially since there were ZERO people on the planet who wanted him to stay here, return to health by some miracle, and live to 110 more than I did!!!

 

It was very, very hard to be his voice at a time like that. I hope you never have to go through it with a loved one!  It’s a horrible experience.

 

UPDATE DECEMER 14, 2020. Here is how Hannah responded to the above, and how I responded to her (I have her permission to share these):

 

HANNAH re the question “What are some of your insecurities (so we can debunk them)?”

 

OK, first of all, you have never intruded on anything in my life. I get happy when I see you have messaged me! 2nd of all, I come from a theater family and a “proactive human dynamo” sounds perfect for it! There is ALWAYS trouble getting actors (in my experience) to show emotion. They seem to not understand that on stage you have to be big and exaggerated. You’d be perfect and when you put loud into a mix – you’d be a director’s dream! Third of all, I was afraid that the hardest decision was going to be hard, but I didn’t even think of that. I never wanted to make you sad or anything. I’m sorry.

 

My response to Hannah:

 

I know I’d have been PERFECT in an acting family!

 

And don’t be sorry for any question you ever send me. If I don’t want to answer one, I won’t!

 

It’s good for people to know that some decisions are really, really hard– especially when they are someone else’s decision (as the DNR was for De: I would have made the same decision for myself had I been in his place, and would want someone to support my decision, too). You just have to have integrity and abide by what other people deem best for themselves. Not easy, but you can live with yourself afterward, for sure!