Christmas Tree Brain Pre-Surgery

Unlike most people, who are nervous before surgery, I have Christmas Tree Brain. I am elated (!) and can’t wait for it to be a done deal!

 

I only wish I wasn’t so elated that I could get some sleep!!!

 

But I just lie there in bed imagining having a flat, male chest for the first time since I was eight or nine.

 

I grin and smile and toss and turn and tell myself, “OK, Kris… it’s time to fall asleep now. Do that, why don’t you?”

 

I have a fan going, my bed vibrating and my ocean sounds machine on, any one of which can lull me to sleep most nights, but NOT TONIGHT, and I suppose tomorrow night will be about the same.

 

I guess I can nap during the day if I get tired, and for sure I’ll be napping a lot after surgery on Monday afternoon and evening while I’m stuck there in the hospital, but it sure would be nice to get some sleep before then!

 

My COVID test came back negative. so there’s no foreseeable reason why the surgery won’t take place on Monday, so I feel like a racehorse just before it’s turned loose to run: I wanna get going, and race as fast as I can to the Winner’s Circle!

 

Oh, about that COVID test, which I was nervous about. It went fine. It’s hard to explain how it felt, but it didn’t hurt. It was like having something foreign poked inside an extremely sensitive orifice and then having a tiny swishing action take place up there.

 

Unlike a pap test, it didn’t hurt, but I wondered if it might at any moment because the area seemed similarly sensitive and vulnerable. It was just the oddest sensation!

 

The technician who took it said I did just fine. I stayed in the SUV and just put my head back against the headrest solidly so I couldn’t move and then I closed my eyes. (Didn’t want to see what was coming at me!)

 

She said the biggest chickens are big guys; they can’t seem to sit still and behave long enough to make it as easy as possible to run the test.  Lisa and I both laughed.

 

It figures!  Men can be the biggest wusses when it comes to surrendering themselves to someone else’s control, but too many of them sure love controlling women’s bodies!

 

(Look at the laws being proposed, and the ones already implemented. In 31 states,  rapists have visitation rights to their ill-begotten offspring!!!)

 

“You will have the baby (no exceptions even for incest and rape) because you had sex and that’s what you get for being sexually active!”

 

(And Oh hell no, I won’t support the brat just because I deposited the sperm! We ain’t married and I’m not marrying a slut who has sex before marriage!”)

 

“You will have a vaginal ultrasound before having an abortion (because it sounds like something you deserve for having sex when you didn’t intend to procreate)!”

 

“You will use birth control because condoms thwart my pleasure and I sure as hell am not getting a vasectomy!”

 

“Medical device up my nose? Oh, hell, no!!!”

 

Okay, end of rant.

 

(I’m a Two-Spirit guy, so I get to call men out on their misogynistic, narcissistic malarkey!!!)  (Two Spirit is a third gender found in some Native American cultures, often involving birth-assigned men or women taking on the identities and roles of the opposite sex. A sacred and historical identity, Two Spirit can include but is by no means limited to LGBTQ identities.)

 

Back to Christmas Tree Brain. I think I have neutralized it now, so I’m going to see if I can get some shuteye now.

 

Wish me luck!