“Tell It All” — DeForest Kelley

“Tell it all.” – DeForest Kelley’s instructions for writing my book 

Today’s Burning Question:

Why does a single insensitive, inaccurate two-star review throw me for a loop when every other review is filled with thank you’s and five stars for my effort to resurrect Carolyn and DeForest Kelley for others to enjoy and cherish?

I wish I knew… but it does.

I pondered long and hard about whether my story was of sufficient value to other fans to even sit down and write it.  Had it not been for a question that De’s biographer, Terry Rioux, asked me, I doubt I ever would have.

It was because I didn’t know the answer to Terry’s question that I began the quest to find it.

Terry asked me, “How did you go from being a fan on the outermost reaches of fandom to being at De’s bedside when he died?”

I had no idea. I told her, “That’s something De would have had to answer.”

She said, “You know the answer. You just have to connect the dots.”

And because I’ve been a writer since I was a teenager (keeping journals of all of my doings–not just my Kelley encounters–in an effort to improve my writing abilities), I was able to revisit all 175 of my earliest journals and four Kelley-centric phone logs and follow the bread crumbs that led me to rediscover not only how much the Kelleys meant to me as encouragers and “first fans” (they were instrumental in getting my first article published in a national New York publication), but how much I meant to them.

I had moved on with my life.

Terry’s question brought me back.

(And I’m grateful it did.)

 Katiedog’s unflattering review states that I talked about De’s vomiting and constipation, and about massaging  his legs for three hours. Just one third of what she wrote is true. And the vast majority of the book has nothing to do with his illness. Most of it is an uproarious frolic. But of course it ends with De’s hospital stay and death. Not all stories have happy endings. We all wish this one did!

In the book, I mention vomiting a couple of times and I mention massaging his legs a few times–but  never for three hours.  I did report being with him for three hours the first time I saw him in the hospital (in the ICU), with producer A.C. Lyles in attendance, massaging and restoring warmth to his cold, dry, concentration-camp-looking lower legs. I didn’t know if he’d even be alive the next day. My ministrations were my “parting gift” in case that might end up being the case.

(My mom, when she was dying of cancer, loved having her legs massaged; De loved it less at first because he was so underweight and tender–I had to be very careful not to hurt him–but as the blood began to circulate better and as warmth returned to his limbs, he was grateful and thanked me.)

By the time I left, he looked and felt better. So did I. It had been a traumatic introduction to the precarious nature of De’s existence, after so many years of considering him indestructible.

I didn’t spend the entire time massaging his legs. Nor did I ever mention constipation. So Katiedog’s scurrilous review does not endear her to me or to any of the fans who have enjoyed  and cherish the book. Some fans have told me they’ve read it three times and relish it every time.

Here’s the bottom line. I have no illusion that DeForest Kelley Up Close and Personal is everyone’s cup of tea. But I do know that most of the fans who have read and loved it want me to publish the entire series of phone calls–more than 1,000 of them–because they don’t want to miss a single thing the Kelley’s said to me. I asked them recently if they’d had enough, and the response was “No! If you have more to share, please share it!”

If I hadn’t kept journals my entire life, and shared what’s in them with readers, I would never have known the answer to Terry’s question… and neither would my readers. And it’s usually the first question they ask me: “How did you manage to get ‘adopted’ by the Kelleys in the way you did?” (Now I know. When I began the quest, I didn’t.)

So, in answer to Katiedog’s rhetorical question,

“Who keeps detailed notes like these?”  …

I DO! I always have. About everything.

I’m a writer. A reporter. And now a blogger.

It’s what I do.

Call it an obsession if you must. Writing is my magnificent obsession. The Kelleys were an obsession while they were in my life–as were and are my other dear friends, animal and human.

My life has always been an open book…one I thankfully have the option to revisit in minute detail any time I need (or decide) to pull out a journal and partake of the journey that brought me from where I was (immature, insecure, star struck, searching) to where I am today: a mature, professional writer with a lot of reflections yet to convey.

It is in rediscovering our past that we truly learn to embrace its lessons and cherish our existence…and recognize how far we’ve come along the way.

I cherish the time I spent with the Kelleys–every last second, these days. (I’m amazed at how many conversations I had totally forgotten about!)  I hoped others would, too. That’s why I wrote it.

I’m glad most readers do.

De told me to “Tell it all.” I just didn’t realize how much there was to tell.

I’m glad I did, and I’m glad that most readers have thanked me for the efforts…and that they want more!

Thankfully, most of the reviews and emails I’ve received as a result of writing this book have made it all very much worthwhile.